Inside Littlefinger’s Brothel


In Westeros, harlots have all kinds of tricks up their sleeves. Not only skilled in the art of love, whores can be valuable allies and informants. Ros knew how to hu$tle her way out of Winterfell all the way to one of Littlefinger’s whorehouses in King’s Landing, where her red hair and other assets gained popularity among the men who could afford her. Unfortunately, Theon Greyjoy’s favorite lusty lady met an early demise when she fell into the hands of King Asshole Joffrey thanks to her employer. I was definitely bummed to see her go this season, so let’s celebrate Ros’ life and renowned beauty (and maybe learn a harlot trick or two).



When your body is your business (literally), you better keep it feeling soft and silky smooth. Besides regular exfoliation, a moisturizing lotion/oil/butter of some sort is essential. I like this velvety body balm from Benefit, I actually prefer the old packaging of the Bathina body balm (pictured) but the formula is basically the same. The balm leaves a shimmery golden sheen and moisturizes skin with sweet almond, olive and avocado oil. It even comes with a cute puff for expert application.


Even if you don’t spend most of your time in the nude, a bit of the Derrière & Décolleté Balms from Agent Provocateur won’t hurt to smooth and tone your best assets. The booty balm contains caffeine to help lift and tone, and the boob balm uses jojoba oil to condition the skin and some other stuff for a firmer bust. I’m a huge fan of the luxurious lingerie fashion house (who isn’t!?) and dig their cosmetics line as much as the racy playsuits and risqué balconette bras so I might be picking up this power-couple in due time. Also should be mentioned are the brand’s pleasure enhancing Titillation Lip & Nipple Balms that I’m sure Ros would have put to good use! The nipple balm is discontinued but if you peruse the web it’s still available in some places.



You know how candlelight always makes everyone look better? It smoothes out fine lines, masks uneven skin tones and makes those dimples in your butt a.k.a. cellulite disappear (thank the gods). We can’t all be bathed in candlelight all day, but you can kinda fake that glow with Too Faced Absolutely Invisible Candlelight Pressed Powder. I’ve been using this stuff for years – it lasts forever – and it really gives the skin a pretty glow without being too shimmery. Layer it over a tinted moisturizer or BB cream for an ultra flattering look.



Ros always has the loveliest flush on her cheeks (what can I say, she’s a hardworking woman) that livens up her face. Try NARS Multiple Orgasm on the apples of your cheeks and blend with your fingertips to get a similar just-rolled-out-of-bed sexy color. What I love about the Multiple is that unlike the classic blush I mentioned for Ygritte, this stick has a creamy texture and can be used for eyes and lips as well. Great all in one product.




I’m more of a liquid eyeliner kind of girl, but when I want a softer, more neutral look I go for the Urban Decay Naked Basics palette. This smaller version of cult favorites Naked and Naked2 is surprisingly diverse and the shades really work well together. You can do a matte smoky eye with the darker colors or use Venus, which has a sheen to it, as a highlighter (perfect for the inner corners of your eye to make you look more awake). Anyhow, as you can see above, Ros’ eye makeup is pretty neutral and I’d go for the Naked2 (taupe) shade all over the eyelids, maybe paired with Walk of Shame (light nude) to blend it in a bit. Finish with mascara, of course.



If you’re not blessed with the pillowy lips of the best whores of King’s Landing, there’s a potion that will plump your lips and enhance their natural color. It’s called DuWop Lip Venom and it’s a transparent formula fortified with cinnamon, wintergreen and ginger that will actually make your lips swell slightly. I know sounds scary but looks insanely hot in real life. Warning: DO NOT get this if you hate cinnamon/tingly lips. In that case, there’s Lip Venom 2nd Sin for the same effect but without the sting.



Who could forget the banned ad campaign for YSL Opium featuring a very nude Sophie Dahl? Besides the great publicity move, Opium is still going strong 36 years since its initial release. The sexy oriental features striking notes of mandarin and bergamot, as well as myrrh, jasmine and amber.


As always, Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab has a few great scents for scarlet women. Harlot is a perfect floral for Ros, “Based on a Romany incense blend reputed to induce sexual dreams: Somalian rose, Moroccan rose and Bulgar rose with a sultry dribble of cinnamon.” Debauchery is another one from the brothel: “Mingled heady civet and red Egyptian musk, thickened with opium.” Lastly, O (“the scent of sexual obsession”) is probably my favorite BPAL ambers, with honey and vanilla.


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One Response to Inside Littlefinger’s Brothel

  1. VividWinter says:

    This post was really great. A friend of mine was sent Harlot and Jezebel and they really did smell like something Ros or one of Little Fingers other girls would wear. Great call on that one!

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